Sunday, August 30, 2015

Analyze This...and Then Grab a Brownie

Much has been said (and written) about the mind of a woman vs. the mind of a man. I truthfully have never thought about it or analyzed it too much until recently. And, probably more than anything it is the case of a mom's mind vs. a dad's mind. I do NOT mean by writing this I think one is better or more intellectual than the other, just some musings of mine lately. My apologies for the lengthy explanation to get to a point, but think it is needed.

Let's start with yesterday....Our neighbor just happens to be a co-worker of my husband. This neighbor and his wife just announced that they are expecting their first child. Jesse went out yesterday to congratulate him on the news. When Jesse came back in here was the following conversation....
       Me: When is she due?
    Jesse: Sometime in March.
       Me: How has she been feeling so far? Has she had any morning sickness?
   Jesse: no response....looks at me with a blank look and shrugs...
       Me: Has she figured out who her OB doctor will be?
   Jesse: more silence....another shrug
It was at this point that I decided I would stop with the "girl" questions. Was I being nosy? I don't think so. At least in my circles those are some of the first questions asked after the first "Congratulations!" and hugs are given. Often those above questions lead to follow-up how often the morning/evening sickness comes....are they feeling better once the first trimester is over....this doctor was phenomenal during my pregnancy and delivery, etc. This led me to imagine that men give the obligatory high five and move on...

Let's jump ahead to this morning before church. Our younger daughter had two separate incidents that led to consequences she did not like, and MUCH crying/screaming ensued. I'm not exaggerating when I say this massive meltdown was 25 minutes in length. Not to excuse it, but it was greatly enhanced by her being overtired. It then ran into her being upset about anything and everything....I wouldn't hold her long enough...she had too many tears,...her hair was tangled but she didn't want it combed....her sandals were too tight....and then too loose....and then she was too tired to wipe her tears....too tired to walk up the hill, etc. During the meltdown I was over analyzing every move...
     "If I don't hold her long enough because I need to get ready, will that seem like I don't love her?"
     "If I do hold her longer will that leave her thinking she has the upper hand?"
     "I was going to throw a load of laundry in before church started. Now I'll be behind on my to-do 
      list for today."
     "I might be going to church with wet hair....awesome."
     "What could I have done better to handle this situation next time?"
     "When will this stage end?"
     "This is stressing me out."
Quite honestly, my last thought (and this will make me sound horrible) was...
      "I could really go for a glass of wine."  
Since that was probably not the proper choice as I was on my way to church, I instead grabbed a brownie. Yes, a big brownie. Mind you, that probably just erased my 3 mile run this morning, but a brownie was my go-to at that moment.
Later when I asked Jesse what was going through his mind when the meltdown was taking place he just said, "I was wondering when this will stop happening on Sunday mornings." Granted, he had no idea that I was looking for blog content, so he might have expanded further, but do men over analyze quite like we do?

It then continued at church. As I sat down the acquaintance in the pew behind me saw my frustrated face, to which I replied, "It has been a morning."  She gave me a knowing smile (being a mother of three) and that was it. I once again thought, do moms take comfort in/with other moms unlike dads do? As I saw my other friends/acquaintance my thoughts and prayers went like this...
     ...She is a mom of 6 and her family lives on a farm. Her morning could have been like mine times    6. Was her husband out doing chores? Did she do the morning routine on her own? Prayers for her   strength and patience. 
    ...They just moved to town. She is a mom of 3 and her husband has a new job that is rather       demanding of his time. Praying she is handling all the adjustments of a new job, new town, new     schedules and all. Prayers for strength, 
    ...She is a mom of three (and pregnant with #4) and her husband is at work right now, so her morning routine and time at church left her running solo with the kids. Her oldest starts preschool tomorrow, and I know it will be an emotional day for this mom. I want to send her hugs tomorrow morning. Prayers for strength and patience and continued health for her. 
    ...She is a mom of 3 praying for blessing number 4. They have a big move coming in a month and she also is busy with her direct sales business. I pray for her strength and patience and time.
    ...She is a mom of 4 with an unexpected blessing of baby number 5 on the way. Her husband's work schedule can be tough at times. She has the concern about having a baby at a "later" age. Prayers for her patience and strength and continued health. 
    ....She is a mom of 2 with a newborn. I wonder if she is sleeping well at this point. How is her energy level? How are the other 2 adjusting to the new little one? Prayers for her strength and patience and continued recovery from labor. 

After church I talked with many of these moms and talk turned to our daughter's meltdown, me slamming a brownie on my way to church, the first day of preschool tomorrow, a newborn's sleep schedule, closing on a house, sibling rivalry, our sanity....and the list goes on.  This all leads me to...

Do men/dads ever think like that? Does my husband see his guy friends and say silent prayers and words of encouragement to them? After church when the gals are gabbing what are they talking about? When my husband sees a fellow dad in a store with a child having a meltdown does he give them a knowing smile or word of encouragement because he has "been there and done that?"

I tried to get Jesse to answer the above questions, but truth be told he didn't know where I was going with any of this, and I didn't want to explain the blog too much to lead him to an answer. I once again didn't write this to say women are better or more intellectual, it is just a case of me thinking out loud. Any men out there that would like to respond, I'd love to hear it. And, I'm quite sure, I'll have the privilege to hear my husband's response on his

This post is probably looking like a contradiction to the title of this blog, I do admit I probably do over analyze too many things in should I eat this brownie or save the calories or should I vacuum or dust first. But thinking about using the gifts God has given me to be the best mom, wife, friend, employee, etc. is probably one way I will never simplify. I can't stop thinking about it,

Simply put....grab that brownie and dig in.

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